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August 31st, 2009

I wish it would end....

The past year has honestly been the hardest year of my life. It sucked every bit of energy out of me and I still do not feel quite recovered. Though in this horrible time I made some really big, life altering decisions that have placed me where I stand today. Almost a year ago I decided I couldn't take continuing the path I had been on for years, though I was just shy of completion, and instead took the harder path down that which I have always wanted to do. I choose to change my major, effectively null and voiding I had been doing for years to become a trained theatre actor.

It has been a really stressful path, and even more things go wrong. However, today I am at my dream school and in my dream program. Yet there is a catch, I just knew nothing would go right. It first started with the financial aid hiccups, and my own issues through orientation. This is supposed to be my end of the road, and the beginning of a new path. I literally have everything I want in my grasp...I had to know it was to good to be true.

Apparently the dept had failed to send me some proper information and at the end of a pretty amazing first day, everything went to hell. I felt clueless, and childish. I am apparently supposed to be auditioning for the the main production or I get kicked out of the program, when I heard this I freaked. I did not know this, I wasn't told this, so I went to speak with a counselor. In the period of our discussion she realized I had slipped through the cracks in the audition process, but not for the show....for the program. So I just had to pick the one damn bachelors program that needed an audition. That's just my luck.

I was told that I had to audition Wed...and I nearly starting crying in her office. Thats just not possible...one day to set up three monologues, especially when I haven't had an audition in YEARS! So I was given till tuesday....the day of the main production audition. Sign ups are Thursday and Friday, but I'll be out of town. So apparently I have till tues, with Dragon*Con in between to prepare four monologues for three different auditions.....and if I screw one up I'm out of the program.

....I don't know how I made it back to my car without collapsing.

My dream is being stripped from me again, because I honestly don't see how I can get prepared in time. If I don't make the program I am no longer allowed to try for the Theatre degree and unless I switch schools AGAIN...I will have to change my major. I don't know what I'm going to do, or how I'm going to handle this.

I just know, no matter how worthless this makes me, if I fail at this.....I'm going missing for a few days, and I don't know where I'll go.

I just wish I could have one thing go right, and not come crashing down on me when I am truly weak to fight back.

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by Wicked_visions
lanc_dash
Ala DASH!

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